Jersey Shore Season 3

There is no better way to start 2011 than to head back to the Joyzee Shour- fists pumping, spray tanning, muscles and poof!

There isn't a right way to start talking about this episode because it's just all over the place. The people at MTV managed to sum up the entirety of the show in just an hours time. We got awkwardness, partying, stupid people, a sexual rejection, a cuca, and a fight! So we begin at the top of the episode where in fact we started a year ago with the JS phenomenon- picking up a munchkin in Poughkeepsie named Snooki.

WAH! Snooki all decked out in her hooker boots and army dress is ready to head back to the shore because as she puts it, it is "A Gorilla Juice head Guido Heaven". Possibly the new town motto for Seaside Heights? Anyway, she has decided to surprise her housemates by inviting a new roommate, Deena. Oh, for those not keeping tabs Angelina left half way through the JS in Miami and obviously was not returning for season 3 because she's a punk! So anyway, Deena is like a Snooki clone- they both are the exact same height (technically midgets because they don't hit the 5 ft marker) and their hair is the same length... 2 little meatballs as Sammi eloquently puts it. Anyway as Snooki and Deena are leaving her house, Deena's parents go out and kiss off their daughter as she goes to the Shour. A very proud moment in their lives I'm sure, it's almost like her graduation date (had she had one). My favorite though is as the car is pulling out of the driveway Deena's mom yells, "Girl's knock'em dead"-Oh and I'm sure they won't disappoint you mom, figuratively or literally.

After that we go to pick up the sour pusses that are Ron and Sammi. I mean what can be said here, Ron is a douchbag and Sammi... Sammi is on my last nerve. Let's see how she unfolds this season (or rather later this episode). Picking up Vinny (and his shower caddy) describes this time going to the JS like a right of passage explaining how his father went to the shore, his uncles went to the shore, and now its his turn. Oh dear lord there are generations of this breed of people??!??? Picking up Jenni shows us how she's played house with Tom (the bf she cheated on during the first season with Pauly, yeah) and is unhappy. Well duh, you can't tame the JWOW beast, have you seen her tatas (that are paid in full)?!!!? Anyway, picking up Pauly is boring and so is Mike.

The first to arrive are none other then the gruesome twosome Ron and Sammi so they of course have first dibs on the bedrooms and of course the jerk offs that they are take the 3 bed room upstairs (the only room upstairs) because it's closer to the bathroom. Ummm hello, you are 2 people you take a 2 bed room! So now that means that some poor soul is going to be living up there with them and their boringness (yes, I used that word). The next to arrive is Tatas- I mean Jwow. For those who forgot Jwow and the twosome are not on speaking terms after the whole note and cat fight that happened in Miami. So of course when they see that Jwow is coming in, Ron and Sammi go upstairs and because Ron is so chivalrous he pushes his gf into their room and he goes to hide in the bathroom. A complete punk ass move!!! (Ron is also on my last nerve). Anyway, Jenni goes up and sees Sammi there and just goes, "ugh" LOVE IT! And Sammi tries to be all tough by just waving her hands and playing with her hair like she does UGH! So Vin arrives, Pauly arrives, Snooki & Co. arrive and as she's being introduced to Sammi she just goes in her pompous way "Hii (playing of the hair)" UGH! Whatever, Mike arrives and gets stuck with the twosome upstairs, sucka!

So as they are eating (and drinking) Deena asks Sammi where she's from and in her bitch attitude and playing of the hair says "Jersey" UGH (last straw!!) So at the dinner table, Deena announces herself as a "walking holiday", she must be 4th of July! So she's thanking everyone for welcoming her to the house "except for this bitch over here" and we all know who that is, Sammi, who happens to be off at the corner of the table basically eating with herself, so pathetic and like the punk that she is she gets up and walks away. Whatever!

The cool kids go to play "Flip the cup" as Deena calls it. I mean HELLO! someone should have been a friend, pulled her aside and told her it's called 'flip cup' no 'the' in the middle. She probably wouldn't have gotten it either but it would have been worth a try and felt like an active member of society by helping out the mentally incapacitated. The boring two were upstairs in their rooms talking, ignoring each other and just being lame-o's.

RYDER

Hot tub time! Vin, Snook and Dee are the culprits this time. Vin is trying to kick it to Deena and Snooki is getting jealous. Vin feels bad because Snooki is getting pissed and then we find out- VINNY SMOOSHED RYDER!!!!! What??!?? (Ryder is Snooki's best friend that came to Miami.) So Snooki tries to feel up on Vin and he denies her claiming she doesn't want to hurt her feelings if he brings another girl home tomorrow. Umm, he doesn't want to hurt Snooki's feelings?... yeah right! And he thinks he's going to bring a girl back the next day? YEAH RIGHT!!!

Deena then tells Mike to help her find her cowboy hat. In the room, she says that the hat looks good with only her bikini and so she beings to take off her dress and as she does her panties 'unknowingly' come right off too!! She begins to turn around all seductively and realizes her panties came off too and showed Mike her "nana"! Mike is completely stunned that this is happening and doesn't do anything but laugh. And we all laugh a little too.

I'm sure this is what Deena's parents thought when they sent her off to the Shour that summer.

In the last 4 minutes of the episode is where it gets hot and nasty! Here's the play-by-play:
-Mike is in his bed, where he shares his room with the boring pair, telling them about the hat story
-Deena goes in to try to snuggle with him
-Mike tells her to go to bed
-Sammi fake laughs (to instigate of course)
-Deena in her drunkie state, feels bad that Sammi is laughing at her
-Sammi laughs harder and faker
-Deena walks out and comes back in and tell Sammi that she didn't have a problem with her until now and that no one in the house likes her as she walks out the room and as she goes down the stairs she calls Sammi a cunt... YEESSSSS!!!
- Deena starts getting loud to Snooki in the kitchen about how Sammi is a complete bitch
- The whole house comes out to see what's happening
- Deena says something about Sammi cuddling with her boyfriend
-Ron jets out the room screaming at the top of his lungs, tugging at his t-shirt and holding his penis... right because that makes you tougher... he is running up to little Deena like if he were going to beat her up
- Everyone is just staring doing nothing.
- Sammi gets at it with Deena calling her a bitch blah, blah, blah or was it the other way around(?)
-Ronnie plays the bitch in this fiasco, he has his head hung low and just answers when he is suppose to
- Snooki gets involved calling Sammie a fake bitch, or was it the other way around (?)
- Ronnie then yells at Snooki and says, "At least she isn't a loser from Poughkeepsie!" (OMG!)
-Jenni quickly fires back, "At least she's not a fucking fag!" (OMG HERE IT COMES!!!)
- Sammi steps up and tell Jenni to step up because she's going to pound her
- Jenni steps up and then tells her to swing
- Sammi fakes, Jenni swings and POW!
-Fight unfolds
-Vinny gets up to try to stop it
-Sammi gets clawed in the face, there's blood!
-oh wait, where's Ronnie? SITTING ON THE FUCKING COUCH LIKE A PUNK ASS BITCH!!!

I think I have gotten enough of annoying Sammie for the whole season. She is being this completely fake and pretentious bitch and it's getting annoying. Ronnie, is being a complete punk as per usual with his nipple ring. They both need to retire because they don't add anything fun to the show... well perhaps their fights. But even then annoying!!