Dancing with the Stars: Semi-Finals

My sincere apologizes for not keeping up with my blog but now that I'm back I'm ready to pick up from right now. 

So in the past 4 weeks or so that I have missed blogging about DWTS a lot of "celebrities" got voted off, EXCEPT FOR BRISTOL!! Now, I've been watching every week and I was certain that Bristol would be the next person voted off after Florence but other people with actual potential (Audrina and Rick) got the boot! As much as Bristol tries, she honestly doesn't really cut it. She really was suppose to be a week 5 vote off. I guess she may have popped her head finally into the show last week with her Tango but I think it was a too much too late effort. This only proves that even if you suck, the Republican and Tea Party will always pull you through. DWTS not only demonstrates dancing but also where this country is headed if we don't get our act together and start voting for the right people. 

This week the "celebrities" had 2 dances to do, a Latin and a ballroom. I think they all did a pretty good job, Brandy is all of a sudden really starting to be a contender on the show. But I really believe that if anyone will kick Jennifer out of her reign (which is really unlikely because everyone likes her and "You don't put Baby in the corner!") it would be Kyle. Kyle of course the only male performer left on the show and although his technique isn't quite there, he has the charm to do it. Every time I watch him I just get giddy and love it!

To be truthful Bristol really needs to go. She seems nice and sweet but she just can't cut it this late in the competition. If she doesn't get the boot, Kyle will and that would suck! Or then again Jennifer can get the boot and be such an upset. I mean I wouldn't care, I really don't even like her. 

Hell's Kitchen Ep1

There is no right way to dissect the season premiere of Hell's Kitchen but just to dive in head first and pray for the best. As newly introduced to Hell's Kitchen, you can tell it's the cheapest and trashiest of all the cooking shows or of any show for that matter. The contestants aren't real cooks, when it seems that boiling water is such an obstacle. It's quite a shame especially since Chef Gordon Ramsey is the head master of all this. It's sad that he's had to sell himself so cheaply in America. Regardless of the fact, it is highly entertaining and who doesn't like watching other people being made a fool. Hell's Kitchen is like a car crash that you can't keep yourself from watching or better yet, that bag of oily potato chips that you really shouldn't be finishing but you do it anyway.

Firstly, for all those who are familiar with HK, Jean-Pierre got the boot (it's a recession after all and men with French accents are more expensive I guess) and in comes James. The contestants get blindfolded and sent in a car to a destination unknown to them. They are of course brought to LA Market, the restaurant that they will be Head Chef to, if they win of course. The restaurant is grandiose and very posh. Gordon gives them 45 min to go back to the HK kitchen and prepare their signature dish. The lot is divided into men and women and one by one must show their dish for Gordon to taste. There were a few notable characters, Emily- Ms. Boobalicious who was spilling out of her top and was kindly asked by Gordon to cover her "puppies", Antonia- who served Gordon a bowl of what looked like and tasted like diarrhea (I mean Gordon and everyone else gagged themselves at how horrible it tasted), Sabrina- or as Gordon has so nicely coined her 'Baby Spice' because she is a Miss Little Tude. and of course there is Raj. Raj, Raj, oh Raj, how in the world do you begin to explain Raj... I'll keep you waiting. Bottom line, the score was even by 3 and Gordon picked the men as the winning team. The punishment for the ladies was to clean up the kitchen and the men's reward was a lavish massage session with fabulous champagne.

At this time I would like to explain the entity that is Raj. Raj is a 49 year old, "personal chef", that is over weight and is missing 3/4 of his brain. He is definitely one of those kids who fell through the cracks of the American school system. Not only is he completely incompetent but has these facial expressions that match it. His smile is creepy because his mouth is so tiny his lips curl in, when he thinks his mouth acts like that of an animated character with a "Z" for a mouth. Not to mention the fact that he breathes heavily and sweats profusely. Oh wait, I almost missed the best part, he does Karate. Yes! I know, I thought he couldn't get any worse but he does (just keep on reading). Raj reminds me of that kid in grade school that was asked what 1 + 1 was by the teacher and he gave an empty stare as an answer and when he was pressured he panicked by still staring and as a kid all you wanted to do was pound his skull to the desk and yell '2 you idiot! 2!!'. Raj was that kid for sure. Have I mentioned I can't stand this man?

During that days prep, Antonia (diarrhea gumbo lady) starts having a massive headache, collapses and is sent off to the hospital. But HK opening night service continues. One member from each team is a waiter for the evening, Emily (Ms. Boobalicious) and Raj (no need to write a little nickname for him, he's just Raj). Raj, of course, is a babbling idiot and doesn't write down the orders as the guests are telling him but tries to write it down by memory, slowing down his team. Trev, a member of the blue team, can't properly dress a salad. A salad! Causing the team to slow down. Gordon, is of course yelling one of his signature catch phrases, "It's raw" to poor Melissa with the undercooked pizza dough and Boris from the blue team mimics Gordon. Now, in Boris' defense, it's very natural to mimic "It's raw" after Gordon has said it. I do it. Granted, I do it in the luxury of my living room but still it seems like an obvious slip. But holy shit did Gordon hear that and tear poor Boris a new asshole. Sabrina (Baby Spice) has her entree all ready and refuses to wait for the rest of her team to go up to the pass. Gordon obviously goes mad and calls her selfish (because she is). Raj is sent to help Boris make pizzas and Raj can't even roll out the dough and looks completely taken back by dough. Dough! There is also this turtle of a chef on the women's team, Lisa that can't cook fish. Obviously frustrated with the group of numbskull's Gordon makes them shut off the kitchen and choose two people from each team to get kicked off.

Back at the house, the guys firstly choose Raj for obvious reasons. But Raj's thinking behind it was this, "They are completely jealous of me. That's why they want me out." Ooohh how I want to crush a skull. Their second pick was Trev, for not being able to put dressing on a bunch of leaves. The women pick Lisa because she's old and go with Sabrina as their second pick. But Sabrina gets all loud and ghetto and tries to push the pick to Nona (not noteworthy yet) because she thinks fried chicken is fine dining.

The group is sent to Gordon for the elimination and of course they need to pass through the kitchen. As set decor the producers have opted to have huge pots of boiling water with smoke coming out to make it more suspenseful. But then there was Raj, who of course goes and checks in the boiling pots to see what is inside and TURNS THE STOVE OFF. I mean hello is he serious! A person can't be that plain stupid! But I guess I have been proven wrong. Ultimately, Antonia is out because she isn't well from the hospital and so is Lisa because she is old and can't cook.

I don't know what to say about this season of HK, it's sooo trashy and really not a cooking show, so why watch it? Because it is so bad, it's good.

Raj.

Blagh!

SURVIVOR: Nicaragua Ep. 3

In a turn of events SURVIVOR is getting more and more interesting. The characters have more or less started to unfold and its merely day 7. I said this season looked promising.

It's obvious that Marty doesn't like Jimmy Johnson and wants him out. Marty sees him as a threat and wants to be the man in charge. Intelligently, to build trust in his team he shows his tribe that he has found the immunity idol. This was clearly seen by all as a selfless act and got praised for it. I feel like it might have been a stupid thing to do but only time will tell.

The show quickly turns to the challenge (guess there wasn't enough drama). In this weeks challenge the teams were not only winning for immunity but also the most exciting reward thus far: fruit, spice, sauce and herb garden. The challenge consisted of pushing 10 barrels to a designated mat and once on that mat they had to prop them up on a platforms, once all barrels were propped, one person at a time had to throw a sand bag on each of the barrels. The yellow team (La Flor) had the power idol which gave them the chance to give themselves an advantage to the challenge. This advantage was to have 2 barrels already on a pedestal. Clearly, the younger team doesn't need that advantage so they pass. Once the challenge begins, the yellow squad blows through the blue squad during the barrel pushing and propping. But all of a sudden Tyrone just starts plopping those sandbags and the yellow team just falls behind. Tyrone must have tired out his arm and the young guys win.

This is where it gets interesting, as Jeff Probst gives the basket of fruit to the yellow team Ms Sassy Diva (Nay if you haven't already caught on) and KB (girl with amputated leg) both notice a clue in the basket and play coy until they get to the camp. Once at camp Ms Sassy Diva literally wrestles KB to the ground to get the clue (and mushed bananas in the process). Then walks off like nothing and is completely unapologetic. During Ms Sassy Diva's interview she said, "I got hood, not ghetto". Damn girl! I love her and hate her at the same time. I'm just really upset that all the sisters think they need to play this card. You don't! Ironically, MSD confides in Brenda and shows her the clue. Smart or stupid? I think Brenda should be smart and figure out the clue on her own and keep it away from MSD and prove a point.

Back at the retirement home (Espada) Marty starts to rally his troops to get JJ out. Some are in some are unsure. During tribal council he was the only one that admitted he was weak and I guess that's why everyone decided to vote him out. Bye Coach!

I feel next week we will get even more juicy drama from MSD herself!

SURVIVOR: Nicaragua Ep.2

This episode of SURVIVOR was a bit interesting. After only 5 days in the jungle people really started to lose it and I loved every minute of it!

In team Espada, the older tribe, Jimmy J has become a clear leader and alpha male. Many people are OK with that but of course some of the guys aren't (such a typical male attitude when another man tries to take control). But strategically, it makes sense for him to put his neck out and have him later get voted off when people get sick of him, which I think won't be long. While we are on this tribe we need to address the craziness that Holly has been demonstrating. I mean she is totally freaking out. She threw out a bunch of snails that people were eating because she said their eyes were twitching and she said that snails are not edible (clearly she hasn't heard of Escargot). Crazy! Then she decides to get Dan's alligator shoes, put sand in them and then throw it in the ocean. CRAZY! Her reasoning behind the fact that she started to freak out was because she lied to Wendy and voted her out. But lying is part of the game, you don't see the Pope on the show! (Not like he hasn't lied, I'm just saying) But my favorite quote was given by Tyrone, "I'm gonna keep one eye on her and one eye on my shoes." Indeed my friend, indeed. But of course Jimmy J gives her a pep talk and all is better. aaaahhh

In team La Flor, Naioka (our sassy black girl) went a-wall when she couldn't find her sock. She flipped out and then took Fabio's extra pair. Now when Fabio (our ditsy, Mid-Westerner blond) wanted to ask her if she has taken his socks, Nay wilded out. Poor Fabio never stood a chance. You almost feel bad for him because clearly she is a dominating force but uh uh honey you were wrong.

In the challenge, La Flor in all their cheesiness (which I can appreciate) enters with their oh so threatening stomps, to meet team Espada. The reward is a choice between fishing gear or tarp and rope. The challenge is that 4 people need to crawl under ropes across a mud pile to find 4 balls in a hay stack. Then 3 people need to toss that ball amongst each other using a shield and then ultimately tossing it in a barrel. Now the older team gets a chance to use their advantage medallion which would already give them a ball in the barrel. Of course a no brainer they opt for this option and ultimately win and chose the fishing gear.

Once back at the tribe, Espada starts looking through their fishing gear and finds a clue to the immunity idol. Unfortunately for all of them, they were all together and everyone was out to get that idol. Bottom line, the red head goes to Marty and they find the idol together.

Back to La Flor, everyone is figuring out who gets voted off first. The big bad men, led by Shannon, as usual wants to keep the strategy of getting rid of all the women first and decide on Brenda because let's face it, she's a bit of a threat. Problem is Chase (Shannon's buddy) is totally crushing on Brenda. Now Nay and Brenda are talking of getting Shannon out because he is the ring leader. So they get on the minority band wagon and more or less tie with Shannon's pose. Here is my favorite part: Enter vagina power! Brenda goes to Chase and convinces him to go against his buddy and first ally Shannon. Chase of course is torn between friend and pussy. And let's get real, you know where his vote is going for.

At the tribal council, Chase like a boy about to go to the principals office spills all the beans about him being torn. Shannon gets all upset and even pushy, showing a whole new light to him. Turning a few people off from his original ally team- not a smart thing to do before everyone goes to vote! Then Nay of course goes off on poor Fabio and again he doesn't stand a chance next to Her Sassy Diva (yes, I think that's what I'm calling her). After a tight voting, Shannon was voted off. (Oh and if you were wondering about who Chase voted for, Shannon. Vagina Power!)

Can't wait to watch next weeks episode and see how La Flor unveils itself.

Dancing with the Stars Ep3

This week on DWTS was "Story Night". "What does that mean?", you may ask well all it means that it's acceptable to use props and Glen doesn't get upset. The dance techniques this week were the Samba, Fox-trot and the Waltz. Now for all the new people, there was a little sample danced by the pros of what the judges are looking for. And guess who is that group?? None other than my favorite, sexy Russian- Dimitri!! OH EM GEE!! I was a total school girl (and if you know me, it doesn't take much!) But still I was very happy to see him. I want Dimitri back!! Ok. Now onto the performances.


Jennifer- danced the samba and with it brought back, what I like to call the lamb chop pants. It is obvious the this was a complicated routine. Not surprisingly it rocked. Score:24

Bristol- danced the fox-trot and it was so stiff. Poor Bristol she just doesn't have it. She doesn't let go and isn't having fun. I wouldn't be having fun either if I were a knocked-up teen with a one year old from Alaska with a mother that's a ti-ti-ri. Score:19

Florence- danced the waltz which seemed a bit nervous and hiccupy. Maybe it was her horrible yodeling outfit. Score:20

Kurt- danced a lovely fox-trot that I just adored. I think I'm officially in love with Kurt. He is just so charming. He may not be an excellent dancer but me love! Score: 23

Audrina- danced a nice waltz but I think I misses something. I mean it was touching but I don't know if it was an outstanding dance. Something was missing and I can't put my finger on it. But clearly the judges saw something because she got the first two 9's of the season. Score: 26

Margaret- danced the samba with a bird on her head! I mean she had a feather hat that made her 7 feet tall. I always feel like she misses in the wardrobe dept. well she didn't look that bad last week. And girlfriend, those facial expressions its just so funny. She looks constipated, frazzled, happy, nervous and then constipated again. But in the end she doesn't know how to be sexy. Score: 18

Brandy- danced a not so samba, samba. I think it was more hip-hop than samba. I didn't like it and you can tell she and Maks don't get along well at all.
Kyle- danced a waltz that was completely graceful. I'm completely sold on him. Score: 23
The Situation- danced a "modern" fox-trot. I mean I can tell he is trying really really hard but he still isn't really rocking it. But how can you blame the guy he is trying really hard Score: 20
Rick- danced a foxy samba. I mean he is pretty sexy but you can tell he is pretty up there those abs are no longer a situation.

My choice is really between Margaret and Bristol. Now, factoring the republican vote I think the Cho is out.

Results
The Situation had an encore performance, surprisingly. And Bolton was back because the English sensation Susan Boyle was sick. Blah, blah, blah it boiled down to my two bottom picks Margaret and Bristol. Margaret was out. 3/3 yay me!

The Amazing Race Ep1

If there were any reality show that I would really want to be on it would definitely be The Amazing Race. I mean Hello! You are traveling around the world in a race with an ultimate cash prize. Sold! Plus this is something I've always talked about doing with my brother so there you go. 

There are some very interesting pairs this season, note worthy are the birth mother and daughter team, the home shopping bimbos, the couple with the guy who could care less about his boo (ew!), the father/son team, the southern belle and pops team, oh and my favorite the glee guys. I'm surprised there isn't the "old couple" team but I guess because they always go out first, that would be a waste of money for CBS. 

So the teams begin their trip to England where they have to find the Stonehenge and get a clue that redirects them to a castle for their mission. The team who initially was first on the flight to England got lost on their way to Stonehenge and never really bounced back. I wonder if it was the fact that they were driving on the wrong side of the road? Anyway, they had to climb up a castle wall, get a flag, transport it through what looked like a turtle shell boat across a lake and give it to their knight. Once that was done the had a road block, which is a task that only one player from each team must perform. Upon completion they will be given their next clue. So this was the watermelon toss. The player had to load a watermelon on a huge sling shot and knock over their knight. Easy right? Unless you are this lady (the other half of the home shopping team) that got hit in the face with a watermelon.. I swear to you I was laughing uncontrollably. It's obvious that this had to have hurt like hell but it still doesn't take away from the fact that it was hilarious!!

Sadly, this is our couple, not couple, the pair that got eliminated because they don't know how to follow English directions. OY!

Next week should be good!!

Dancing with the Stars Ep2 and Results

This week on DWTS the contestants were to dance wither the Quickstep or the Jive. Both dances are very physically demanding and although they demand different kinds of energy levels they still take a toll of the performers. So with the god awfulness of The Hoff out from last week I thought the contestants would begin to excell but then there was Michael Bolton. I'll get to that in a bit.

I'm must admit I am a little dissapointed in this season of the DWTS, it's more or less expected. I mean you have your front runners: Jennifer, Kyle, Brandy. You got your potentials: Audrina, Rick, Kurt, Florence and then you have the people that are just the fillers: Florence, Michael, Margaret, Bristol and The Situation. This is so expected. I expect if everything goes as planned Michael is off this week and Margaret for week 3. I like watching it but when it comes to analyze my favorite show it becomes depressing. So I think just for this week I'll make a sigh and just talk about how horrible Michael Bolton was.

He looks happy, right? No. He came out of a dog house! I have no idea what poor Chelsea was thinking having him come out of a dog house. ADOG HOUSE!! I mean yes, OK you are preforming to Elvis' "Hound Dog" but really??? Does that mean that MB is a bitch? Then he comes out in a dalmation suit jacket. Vomit. And about 1/4 of the song is him being in this dog house. It was horrible and we didn't even get to the dancing. He was all over the place and just horrible (have I said that too many times already?). I think he may have given up half way and so did I.

As predicted he was out the next day. I think America might finally be getting it right and not letting the good ones leave so early.

So I'm 2 for 2! And I'm not cheating!!

Top Chef: Just Desserts Ep.1

One of my favorite shows without a doubt is Top Chef and I was really anticipating its spinoff show Just Desserts. As a self proclaimed foodie (I love to cook, watch cooking shows and more importantly eat!), I couldn't wait what this potentially great show could offer. Hopefully, everything but a food-coma. I must say upon watching the show, it takes some time to get into. Unlike Top Chef, where more or less you can imagine the feel, taste and smell of a certain plate. In Just Desserts, you might have to pause for a bit and really imagine what a Spiced Brownie with Ancho Chile, Ginger and Cinnamon would taste like. But as a huge fan of Top Chef I'm giving this show its time.

The host is none other than the lovely Gail Simmons whom I just adore! She seems pretty comfortable to be hosting but I think its definitely a learning curve for her. Head judge is Johnny Iuzzini, who is better known for his pompadour than anything else but is also a brilliant pastry chef. Also judging is Hubert Keller who is without a doubt one of my favorite chefs (it's not like I've ever tried his food or anything but there is something so lovable about that man and he pretty much rocked the house on Top Chef: Masters). The last judge is Dannielle Kyrillos- don't know. At least there were a few familiar faces. But I strongly believe this is really all too new for everyone so hopefully I will get to love them as much as the originals' judging panel. Oh and guest judge, Jacques Torres aka Mr. Chocolate, who gained a little weight might I add.

By the looks of the first episode this show, it seems that drama is going to be the star. There are way too many dive-like men on the show and and with the two straight guys on the show who act like divas, its a show full of women (and as someone who went to an all girls high school; Honey, I know drama!). Speaking of which, it seems like 3 men have more or less grabbed and ran with their Drama tiaras, Zac (whom I love and want to be friends with ASAP), Morgan (one of our straight guys) and Seth (our other "straight" guy). Drama over sleeping issues was the best! I mean come on, everyone likes to sleep a particular way but honey, this isn't the Hilton (snap, snap)! But seriously, get over it you are here to cook (or bake).

There was Milika who failed to put anything on the plate for her quick fire challenge. Tania, who's funky bangs must have thrown her off her baking scale and Danielle who just looked straight up confused!
Based on a the first episode you can already tell there are a few stand out chefs: Heather H., the asian girl with skills, Erika, miss fabulous and well Zac isn't that bad either. It's really hard to focus on their talents because there was so much drama but must focus on food!

Bottom line: Mad drama, beautiful desserts and lady with the crazy bangs got kicked off.

Dancing with the Stars Ep1 and Results

Without a doubt one of the shows that I was highly excited for was Dancing with the Stars. I've been an obsessed fan from the very beginning. I mean what girl doesn't want to be swept off her feet by a man who's smooth on the floor. Unless you're a clutze and have two left feet this fantasy is fairly common. When I found out who was going to be on the show this season, I must say I was a little womp, womp. I'm used to some pretty good B and C listers, but this, this was, sad. I mean on the real side no eye candy for the ladies (The Situation isn't eye candy!), no eye candy for the men (Brandy? Really?), and our token old person isn't, isn't completely helpless. But I didn't care. It's not like I wasn't going to watch it. Let's get serious!

Now, how exactly do I review a show like this? Should I say a little something about each person? Should I just highlight the good and bad ones and let the less memorable ones fall through the crack? There really is no great system here, so until I can figure it out I'm going to have to say a little something about all of them. You can always just fast forward down to the people you like. And by "system" I mean do the same thing until there are fewer and fewer contestants.


Audrina Patridge (one of the girls from The Hills) with dance partner Tony (such a hottie!!). Didn't do as bad as expected. She was a bit stiff with her cha-cha but I think she has some potential. Score: 19


Kurt Warner (NFL Quarterback) and dance partner Ana. I think this is where the eye candy enters. Anyway, he did really well in his waltz. If he can do this well in his Latin dances he can go pretty far. Score: 19


Kyle Massey (Disney channel star) and Lacie. Who knew big boys could dance? I became such a fan after his routine. He was so good and upbeat. I find his Ballroom routine will struggle. But I hope not. Score:23


Rick Fox (NBA player) with Cheryl. So the most jarring this is that Cheryl is short, maybe even shorter than me (I'm 5'3'') and Rick Fox is like 10 ft!! I mean they couldn't find someone a bit taller for Rick? Anyway, Rick didn't do bad at all. But nothing that worth noting. Score:22


Margaret Cho (Comedian) and Louis. Where to start? First off, it wasn't that great. I mean at first it had a chance then it got all "comedic" and failed. Secondly, what the heck was she wearing?? Not flattering for a chubby girl. Thirdly, how come Louis always gets stuck with the chubby girls? Is he that gay man that loves a curvy woman? Score: 15


Brandy ("Actress" and "Singer" better known for "The Boy is Mine" Love!) and Maksim (The Russian Stallion!) She did very good. But that's expected from a performer of her caliber. Well, not like she's of big caliber but this shouldn't be too difficult for her. And I can already tell she and Maksim will bump heads. But if I had to be with Maks, I'll take it! Oh and why does he always get the black girls? Yup! I think he likes the sisters! Score: 23


Bristol Palin ("Teen Activist" aka the girl in a political family who got knocked up and needs to correct her mistake. That baby is going to grow up with sooo much issues. Starting with the fact that Sarah Palin is his Grandmother!) and her partner Mark. Didn't suck as bad as I thought. She's got some nice stems on her! But really needs to have fun. Score:18


Florence Henderson (Carol Brady from The Brady Bunch) and her partner Corky. For an old lady she's done pretty well. I mean we all know that the older you get the stiffer you become. But she actually isn't that bad. Score: 18


Michael Bolton (Singer) and Chelsea. I give him to week 2 or 3. I mean he's not that great but I think there are worse people on the show than him.  Score: 16


The Situation (um, what do we put here as occupation... Reality star) and dancer Karina. Without a doubt this was one of the 2 people I was anticipating to perform. I love me some Jersey Shore. I mean he thinks he's the shit and he's not. But he seems like a niceish guys when he's not picking up grenades to smush. (Jersey lingo, if you don't know, get with it). But for having practiced for 5 days I don't think he did entirely that bad. Plus you can tell he genuinely tries. Score: 15


Jennifer Grey (Baby from Dirty Dancing) and her partner Derek. What woman doesn't love Dirty Dancing? I was obsessed with this movie when I was a child. OBSESSED! I mean just ask my parents, I think I must have burned a hole on that VHS tape. Anyway, she totally rocked the house! I mean blown away! Score: 24


The Hoff (Also, under occupation I'm going have to say German Superstar, because he is soo useless in America) and partner Kym. Umm, where to start? This whole thing was so god awful! I mean he looked like a total perv (poor Kym). His "dancing" was the funniest by far. I think he was worse than Jerry Springer and Kate Gosselin. And the funniest part was that he thought he was the shit! I mean seriously! So if he is this bad for American television, I can only imagine the level of taste for the Germans. 




My Predictions: For this season, I feel that Jennifer Grey, Kyle Massey, Kurt Warner and Audrina, Brandy or Rick to round out the top 4. 


Getting Kicked off tonight: The Hoff






Results


My favorite artist ever Santana performed and of course he rocked the house. And I'm not surprised that The Hoff got kicked off. So I'm 1 for 1. YAAAYYY

SURVIVOR: Nicaragua Ep.1

This season of Survivor is in "remote, mysterious, dangerous" Nicaragua. Thanks Jeff Probst for making a beautiful and rich cultured country sound like an uncivilized savage land. Don't you know that there will be hicks in this country basing their info about Nicaragua on your description. The IQ of this wonderful country dropped again.

Survivor is a show that I have caught off and on. Only because I'm sure I would never survive. Not because I'm not athletic enough or smart enough but because as a loud Latina the whispering alliances would be my demise. At any rate, I'm literally watching this show with virgin eyes and really understanding the logic of this game. Can't wait!

Right off the bat we have 2 teams and a team challenge- finding the "Medallion of Power"dun dun duuuun! Sort of exciting except that other than the cool name we don't know what it does. After a cute girl, Brenda, finds it we discover that the teams are being divided into quintessential teams and quite honestly an age old question (pun intended. you'll see) the young vs. the old.

So we got the old timers. I'm sorry the blue team, Espada against the yellow team, La Flor. Very appropriate names when you think about it, Espada meaning sword in Spanish signifying strength and power and La Flor Spanish for the flower representing pureness and gentleness. Sort of what each age group in a way represents. The 2 teams of 10 including the great coach Jimmy Johnson, a hot tempered fisherman, a sorta of hot looking MILF, and a goat rancher.  La Flor (said in a very romantic roll of the 'R'), on the other hand they have the best eye candy! There's an ex-cheerleader (don't count her out she found the "Medallion of Power"), a medical student with a leg amputee, and all the male models from Abercrombie & Fitch. I'm serious! (Is it too late to rethink my survival on Survivor?) As hot as they are of course they want to get all the women out first blah, blah, blah and have male domination blah! I'm sure you boys would get very bored very quickly, just think about it.

First challenge seemed awesome. I wonder how long it takes the crew to build stuff like that? Would the contestants hear it since they are on "an island"? Just thoughts. Anyway, the yellow team walks into the challenge with some "Whoo, Haa" chant. I was embarrassed watching them through my screen thinking, great these are the representatives to the young squad, ugh! So here is where it gets interesting. Jeff announces the use to this "Medallion of Power". The team who possess this will have the choice of using it for the challenge, giving them an advantage to the game OR getting things they need. In this case, the challenge was to connect canals from about 3 stories high to pass bucket water into a larger bucket that would release puzzle pieces where a group of 4 would then put them together. The advantage would be that the team gets 1 full bucket of water already in their large bucket. Here's the catch. Whatever the team didn't decide the other team would get. Switches things up. So we have a bucket of water vs. flint and fishing equipment. Seems kind of obvious what you should pick. So after a quick powwow, the smart yellow team decides to go for the goodies. Seems like everyone was surprised, myself included, because it would seem like the young guys would want only power. Oh how we prove you wrong people. Now as I'm watching this challenge unfold I feel like the young guys got this in the bag pretty much. The water canals don't seem that difficult, the trick is the puzzle. Now, what these old people don't have that this generations has is puzzle skills. I mean, seriously, I feel like since Kindergarten I've had to solve some kind of puzzle or riddle for homework. Yellow has this in the bank. But wait! No, I'm kidding they win, duh! And they get the immunity idol. Which I want to add is freaking awesome. It's a little Conquistador. I love it!

And now we have the strategizing. Coach (that's obviously Jimmy Johnson) tells his group that he is aware that no jury will allow him to win $1 million because, "I'm Jimmy Johnson. I'm just in this for the adventure." Right, so you are telling me another million bucks isn't as appealing as camping? Not sold! His pitch is to eliminate all the weaker players regardless of alliances and friendships. Seems like the obvious way to go. They are obviously level headed mature people. At tribal council right before the votes are casted, our goat rancher, who I should add is a clear front runner to get eliminated makes her schpiel about how good she can be to the team etc., etc., etc., too little, too late. And of course out she goes. I'll take this time to just say, there's a grave where the eliminated cast-a-way has to step on to "leave" looks pretty cool.

I think this seems like a promising season of Survivor. All those hot guys (did I mention they are in their underwear?) doesn't hurt either.

America's Next Top Model: Cycle 15 Ep.1

So the Fall 2010 Reality TV schedule kicked off with none other than America's Next Top Model. Now, I must admit I loved ANTM- when I was in high school. This show taught me how to strike a pose that was so fierce and walk down the streets of New York City like I was in my own runway show. My knowledge of fashion was and still is fairly low. I know my basic models, agencies, magazines, designers, and photographers- partly granted to ANTM. As an adult (a term I use loosely), I began to get bored of the same type of "models" they casted and quite honestly, I was annoyed at all these beautiful girls winning and guess what? Never making it anywhere! (Except for Adrienne Curry who is way better known for marrying Peter Brady and Eva Pigford who I think sneaks on red carpet events because I have no idea what she has done since.) I swear to you I have not seen one single Cover Girl ad with the winner on it. I think ANTM producers caught on to the lack of actual success of their so called "top models" and upped the ante by having without a doubt the best prize for this cycle's winner. Ready? The cover of Italian Vogue, 2 beauty spreads, a contract with IMG and of course, $100,000 contract with Cover Girl. Now without a doubt the prizes are awesome but with the lot they got- honey, good luck!

Cycle 15 starts with a very humble Tyra explaining her not so Cinderella story (which I already know). Being discovered on her first day of freshman year sitting on a bench. How a tall, gawky young girl began her whirlwind modeling adventures (Oh Tyra, you forgot how the other models in the Paris house treated you meanly and you were so home sick you began to over eat, gained some wait and got your boobies). Yawn. Sorry Tyra I don't feel bad that you were tall, beautiful, skinny and became a model. At any rate she wants to prove finally that she knows what it takes for a model to make it. It took her 4 years it'll take the winner 12 weeks. Again, good luck!

The group of girls are fairly the same kind of characters: the awkward one, the effortless poser, the Mom, the Ivy League girl, the drama black girl, the girl with the huge hooters, the abnormally tall one, the rebel, the gossiper, the loud black girl, and of course our dose of purity, the virgin. The drama starts almost immediately with our gossiper telling the drama black girl that the rebel doesn't want to be there. As you may have caught on drama. Enter drama scene 2 with drama black girl confronts a "racist" girl for writing in her diary, "I almost got roomed with the black girl. Ew." The "racist"girl claims she didn't know the black girls name (sweetie her name was on the head rest of seat next to you while you rode for hours) and it was in her diary after all. Sorry girl you sound a little racist to me. But I'm sure you didn't mean it especially when Tyra also confronted you about it. Spoiler alert: she didn't get picked.

Of course we have the fabulous and lovely Mr. Jay and Miss J as Tyra's sidekicks. If that's the one thing I really did miss from ANTM was Miss J. He is so fabulous and damn I'll take a runway lesson from him any day. LOVE!

This season promises more designers (Dianne Von Furstenburg, Zac Posen, Roberto Cavalli etc.) more fashion photographers (what happened to Nigel Barker??) and their ultimate high fashion model. Only time will tell if they indeed have their top model but I'm pretty sure they have their drama dressed and ready to strut.